Our Fertility Journey

Hey!

My name is Emily and this blog is dedicated to sharing the story of my (in)fertility. This is something I've been pretty private about since my husband and I started trying to conceive back in 2016. But, I am to the point in my journey where I am ready to start sharing a bit more about what I've been through. Honestly, this blog is more for me, as an outlet to express my thoughts and document the journey as I climb this fertility mountain. If you're reading this you probably are part of my family or one of my close friends, so thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts and ramblings. 

The past four years have been filled with ups and down as Brandon and I attempted to grow our family. Here's a quick (or maybe not so quick...) timeline to get you up to speed.

August 2016 - First month officially Trying To Conceive (TTC) 

January 2017 - First positive pregnancy test!!

March 2017 - First miscarriage: Our eight week ultrasound revealed an empty egg sack, and I miscarried without medical intervention about a week after the ultrasound.

June 2017 - Second positive pregnancy test!!

June 2017 - First chemical pregnancy -- basically the egg and sperm meet but don't attach to the uterine lining. This will cause an early pregnancy test to show a positive result, but typically the menstrual cycle starts all over again within a few days. Most women who have these don't even realize it if they are not taking pregnancy tests regularly - it will just seem like a longer than normal cycle. 

November 2017 - Third positive pregnancy test!!

November 2017 - Second chemical pregnancy

October 2018 - After a move across the country and a year of TTC without any results, we reach out to our first fertility clinic. At this point we go through about three months of tests to determine why we are A) not getting pregnant and B) having unsuccessful pregnancies. The doctor determines we have Unexplained Infertility. 

January/February 2019 - The fertility clinic preps us for our first cycle of IUI, and I'm supposed to call them on Cycle Day 1 (the first day of menstration). However, CD1 is a few days late and I take my FOURTH POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST!!!

March 2019 - Eight week ultrasound: I see my baby's gummy bear form and hear the heartbeat for the first time and think, "This one's gonna make it!"

*picture was taken just a few days before our 20 week ultrasound...

June 2019 - Twenty week ultrasound: There is very little amniotic fluid surrounding the baby and it makes the ultrasound images difficult to see properly. A slew of doctors then determine my baby has multiple fetal anomalies including underdeveloped lungs and kidneys, which will end in stillbirth. There is no medical intervention. B and I make the difficult decision to interrupt the pregnancy and just over a week later I am in a hospital bed prepping for surgery to remove my baby. We name the baby Arin. (I plan to share a blog post with more details about this loss in the future...)

What follows is the most difficult year of my life. Watching very close friends and family have successful pregnancies and births, surviving what would have been Arin's due date, learning to live with the loss of a child that I had hoped and prayed for, coming to terms with the fact that I had a late term abortion, all the while continuing to move forward in an attempt to once again to conceive. (Spoiler Alert - we're STILL not pregnant...)

July 2020 - Now, just over a year after I lost my Arin, I am officially starting fertility treatments with my first cycle of IUI (Intrauterine Insemination). To be honest, I'm not exactly hopeful that this cycle will work, as IUI only has a 5-10% chance of conception, but at least we're finally moving forward with medical intervention after four years of trying on our own. 

So, here's to the journey. Here's to climbing (in)fertility's mountain and hoping to some day reach the peak and enjoy the view. And thanks for climbing it by my side.

Em