Why the Mountain Analogy?

Bierstadt Lake Trail, Rocky Mountain National Park

I like the mountain analogy in this context, comparing it to the (in)fertility journey. Having successfully climbed a "14er" (a Colorado term dubbed for mountains with a peak of over 14,000 feet), I can tell you that the climb is the most difficult part of the journey. While climbing our 14er Brandon and I had to take A LOT of breaks. A few minutes of walking, followed by a few minutes to catch your breath. The incline and the elevation can really take a toll on your body and you have to take the journey at a pace that works for you. 

In comparing a mountain climb to the fertility journey I consider the peak to be adding a baby to our family, by any means possible (i.e. pregnancy/live birth or adoption). This is the part of the fertility journey in which I am still stuck. Climbing to the peak. I have encountered a few "false peaks" along the way. You know, when you look ahead of you and see what you *think* is the top, only to get there and realize there is a still more mountain to climb. We got pregnant, made it past the first trimester, only to lose the baby at 22 weeks. And now we are living through an international pandemic with COVID-19, which halted our work with the fertility clinic for several months and could potentially halt it again in the future. 

At the top of Grays Peak 14,278 Feet

But, those of you who have ever hiked a mountain, know that the peak is only the halfway point. You still have to hike back down to the bottom! And let me tell you, the second most difficult part of climbing a mountain is that last mile. You made it to the peak, you enjoyed the view, took a bunch of pictures, felt very accomplished, and started heading back down with a renewed sense of energy. BUT that last mile, ooofff, it's rough! You're body is sore, you're tired, you're hungry, you probably have to pee, but you just have to keep walking one foot in front of the other until you reach your car. 

I know that there are many more challenges to face once you have a baby. I know there are dirty diapers, sleepless nights, endless worry and stress, etc. I also know that I have "romanticized" having a baby since it's been a driving force in my life for four years. Sometimes I think that having a baby will automatically make me feel better about myself, make me feel like I fit in more with the other women in my life, like our family is currently missing something and a baby will make us "whole." But I have to remind myself that it's only part of the journey. Being a mother comes with a whole new set of challenges and rewards. 

Getting to the peak of the mountain is not the end of the journey. Having a successful pregnancy and birth (or adopting) is not the end of my story. But, it's the part I'm aiming for in this moment. Trying to keep myself moving forward, despite the difficult climb. 

Views from Mount Flora 13,136

Em

P.S. I post the last picture because one side of the mountain is green and smooth - an easier climb. And the other side of the mountain is rocky and jagged. To climb that side you need specialized gear and training. For some women getting pregnant and having a baby is a smoother journey, still comes with its own challenges, but easier. For me, I feel like I'm climbing the jagged, rocky side. We're both aiming for the same peak, but some climbs are more challenging.